The Subtle Art of Giving a F*ck About the Right Things
Barry's 80/20 Five-Page Book Review
Every week, I'm taking a worthwhile book and doing something slightly sacrilegious to it. I'm boiling the whole damn thing down.
Welcome to my 80/20 Five-Page Book Review.
The idea is simple. Find approximately the 20% of a great book that contains 80% of the immediately useful ideas. Not because the other 80% is worthless, and certainly not because you shouldn't read the original book. You should. But I read for application.
I want to know: What's the gold? What can I use? What could I actually change tomorrow morning because I learned this?
And there's another question that makes these reviews considerably more interesting: Where do I think the author is wrong?
Because I'm not interested in simply summarizing somebody else's thinking. I want to engage with it.
Our first book is Mark Manson's enormously successful The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.
Despite the title, Manson isn't really arguing that we shouldn't care. His argument is considerably more useful: We should become much more selective about what deserves our attention.
On that, I think he's absolutely onto something. But I also have two substantial disagreements with the underlying philosophy.
We'll get there.
First, let's steal the gold.
The Real Point Isn't Not Caring
The title is brilliant marketing.
But “don't give a fuck about anything” isn't the philosophy. The actual philosophy is much closer to:
Choose what you give a fuck about.
We constantly spend attention on things that have almost nothing to do with the life we're trying to create. Someone doesn't like us. Someone criticizes us. Somebody has a bigger house. A stranger leaves an idiotic comment online. Someone misunderstands something we said. An email annoys us. A minor inconvenience ruins an hour. Facebook doesn't like our post.
Whatever.
Manson's argument is essentially one of allocation. Where are you putting your concern?
I think that's enormously valuable. Attention should be invested according to importance. If something deserves attention, give it attention. If it deserves enormous attention, give it enormous attention. If it deserves virtually none?
Stop feeding the damn thing.
Stop Being Upset That You're Upset
One of Manson's better concepts is what he calls the Feedback Loop from Hell.
You're anxious. Then you become anxious because you're anxious. You're angry. Then you're angry at yourself because you became angry. You're embarrassed. Then you're embarrassed that you're embarrassed.
We've now turned one problem into two.
Sometimes an unpleasant emotion is simply information.
I'm pissed off.
Okay. Why? Is there something to handle? Handle it. Is there nothing useful to handle? Then stop manufacturing another problem because you believe you shouldn't be experiencing the first one.
That's useful.
A surprising amount of misery isn't caused by the original event. It's caused by our reaction to our reaction to the event.
There Is No Problem-Free Life
This may be my favorite idea in the entire book.
Most people want fewer problems. Manson argues that this is the wrong target.
You want better problems.
Want to build a successful business?
Congratulations. You just bought yourself staffing problems, customer problems, cash-flow problems, management problems, marketing problems and competitive problems.
Make the business bigger?
Excellent. Now you can have bigger versions of those problems.
That's entrepreneurship!
The same applies everywhere. A good marriage doesn't eliminate problems. Money doesn't eliminate problems. Physical fitness doesn't eliminate problems. Success doesn't eliminate problems. Each gives you a different class of problems.
So perhaps the question shouldn't be: “How do I eliminate my problems?”
Maybe it's: “Which problems are worth having?”
That's a hell of a question.
Happiness Is Solving Worthwhile Problems
This follows directly from the previous idea.
Life isn't: Problems → Success → No More Problems
It's: Problem → Solution → Better Problem → Solution → Better Problem
That's progress.
Consider business. You need customers. You solve that. Now you can't handle all the customers. Good problem. You hire people. Now you have a management problem. Solve that. Now you need systems. Build them. Now you're growing fast enough that leadership becomes the constraint.
Great.
The presence of problems doesn't necessarily indicate failure. Sometimes your problems are evidence of progress.
The trick is looking at the quality of your problems. Are you repeatedly solving the same stupid problem?
That's a warning.
Are your problems evolving as you evolve?
That's growth.
Pick Better Measurements
Manson spends considerable time discussing values. I think he's right to.
Human beings frequently use terrible scoreboards: “I need everyone to like me.” “I need to look successful.” “I can't be wrong.” “I can't fail.” “I need to have more than that guy.”
Those are miserable measurements because so much of the result lies outside your control.
Better measurements involve things you can actually influence. Did I keep my word? Did I learn? Did I communicate? Did I improve? Did I produce? Did I confront the problem rather than avoid it? Did I actually do what I said I was going to do?
Two people can experience exactly the same business failure.
One thinks: “I'm a failure.”
The other thinks: “Well, that didn't work. What did we learn?”
Same event. Different measurement. Completely different future.
Responsibility Is More Useful Than Blame
Here's another piece worth stealing.
Something doesn't necessarily have to be your fault to become your responsibility to handle.
Life doesn't politely assign problems only to the people who caused them. Somebody else screws something up.
Fine.
Maybe they caused it. But now it's sitting on your desk.
You can spend the next three weeks proving whose fault it was. Or you can ask: “What am I going to do about it?”
Those aren't mutually exclusive. Accountability matters. Finding the actual cause matters. But blame without handling is useless. The person asking, “What can I do now?” has considerably more power than the person asking only, “Who did this to me?”
Become Willing to Be Wrong
This one is uncomfortable.
Which probably means it's valuable.
Human beings love certainty. We don't simply believe things. We construct explanations.
“He did that because...”
“She thinks...”
“They're trying to...”
“I know exactly what's happening.”
Maybe.
But what if you're wrong?
One of the most useful questions you can ask yourself is: “What evidence would change my mind?”
If the answer is “nothing,” you're no longer investigating.
You're defending.
The willingness to discover that your explanation was wrong isn't weakness. It gives you access to better information. And better information produces better decisions.
Failure Is Information
If your objective is never to fail, there's a wonderfully reliable strategy.
Never attempt anything difficult.
You'll also accomplish very little.
Failure is feedback. Try something. Observe what happens. Correct. Try again.
The useful cycle is: ACTION → RESULT → INFORMATION → CORRECTION → ACTION
This is particularly important because people frequently wait for motivation before acting. But action itself can produce motivation.
You don't need enough motivation to write a book. You need enough motivation to write the next 500 words.
You don't need to reorganize your entire company today. Fix one process.
Movement creates information. Information makes the next movement smarter.
Commitment Means Eliminating Things
Choosing something means not choosing something else.
We love keeping our options open: another business, another opportunity, another strategy, another investment, another project, another shiny object.
But eventually the refusal to eliminate anything becomes its own limitation.
Commitment means deciding:
This deserves enough of my attention that I'm willing to deprive something else of it.
That's an important concept.
But it's also where I start modifying Manson's model.
Where Manson and I Part Company
There are two underlying assumptions in the book that I don't completely accept. And this is where my version of the philosophy starts becoming considerably different from Manson's.
First: I Don't Believe My Existence Is Finite
Manson eventually uses mortality as a filter. Your life ends. Your time is finite. Therefore choose carefully what deserves your concern.
I reach some of the same practical conclusions from a very different philosophical starting point.
I believe this particular identity has a finite existence. Barry has a beginning and an end. But I don't believe I, as a spiritual being, cease to exist.
I expect to live forever.
You don't have to share that belief to understand what it changes about my interpretation of Manson.
I'm not choosing what matters because oblivion is approaching. I'm choosing what matters because this particular game, with this identity, these people, these businesses, these relationships and these opportunities exists now.
That makes it valuable.
Not because nothing comes afterward.
Because this particular opportunity won't exist forever.
That's a very different motivation.
Second: I Don't Accept That My Capacity Is Fixed
This is my larger disagreement.
There's a recurring assumption in this kind of philosophy that we possess a limited amount of attention, time and energy.
At any given instant, obviously there are practical limits. There are still 24 hours in Tuesday. I can't personally conduct six meetings simultaneously.
But does that mean my effective capacity is fixed?
Hell no.
What if I become twice as organized? What if I improve my personal ability? What if I increase my ability to direct attention? What if I stop spending three hours doing something that better technology allows me to accomplish in twenty minutes? What if I document something once so nobody needs to ask me the same question twenty times?
What if I create a system? What if I use AI? What if I delegate? What if I hire somebody brilliant? What if that person hires and manages three more people?
Now something interesting has happened.
I haven't created a 25th hour.
I've increased the productive effect of an hour of my attention.
That distinction is enormous.
Attention Isn't Just Something You Spend. It's Something You Can Leverage.
Imagine I personally perform ten functions in a company. Every function competes for my attention.
Now imagine I document seven of those functions, train good people, establish measurements, create reporting systems and delegate authority.
My attention hasn't disappeared.
It has moved.
Instead of spending an hour doing, perhaps I spend fifteen minutes directing, inspecting or improving. And somebody else spends the hour doing.
Eventually that person may manage somebody else.
My original attention has created a chain of productive activity.
That's leverage.
And this is precisely why I've become such an advocate for building teams.
At TeamBuilders, the objective isn't merely to find somebody inexpensive who can take chores off your plate. The real objective is to: Expand organizational capacity.
A good team member doesn't merely save you time. They develop competence. They assume responsibility. They create output.
And if the organization is structured properly, they eventually help create capacity in other people.
That's multiplication.
So I'd modify Manson's premise: Be extremely selective about where you initially place your attention, then build systems and people that multiply the effect of that attention.
Now we're cooking.
Relationships Are Another Form of Leverage
This leads directly into something I've spent years studying.
Networking.
The right network dramatically increases what a single individual can accomplish.
You know somebody. That person knows somebody. One conversation produces an introduction. The introduction produces a relationship. The relationship produces an opportunity. The opportunity produces something neither person could have produced independently.
That's not merely transactional networking.
It's multiplication through relationships.
And it's one of the central ideas behind my new book: Seven Figure Networking
I've finished the book, and before its public release I'm putting advance copies into the hands of readers.
I'm not asking you to promise me a five-star review. That would defeat the purpose.
I'm asking for something much simpler.
Read it. Apply it.
And when it's released, give me your honest review.
In exchange, I'll give you the advance reader copy free.
My Five Additions to Manson's Philosophy
If I were sitting across the table from Mark Manson, I'd keep much of his central argument. Then I'd add five things.
1. Don't Just Conserve Attention. Improve It.
Develop your ability to focus, observe, learn, decide and communicate. The quality and effectiveness of attention can change.
2. Don't Just Allocate Capacity. Expand It.
Better organization and better systems increase what you can accomplish with the resources you already have.
3. Delegate.
If someone else can competently own something, your continued personal involvement may actually be restricting the organization.
4. Build Relationships.
One competent person is powerful. A network of competent people who know and trust one another is considerably more powerful.
5. Choose What Deserves YOU.
This is bigger than deciding what deserves five minutes of your attention.
What deserves your life? Your abilities? Your relationships? Your reputation? Your energy? Your current identity and opportunity?
Those are much bigger questions.
Something You Can Do Monday Morning
Let's make all of this practical.
Write down the ten things consuming the most attention in your business right now. Beside every one, write one of four words:
KEEP
This genuinely requires my attention.
SYSTEMATIZE
This should be handled through a repeatable process.
DELEGATE
Someone else should own this.
ELIMINATE
Why the hell are we doing this at all?
Don't merely ask: “How can I manage my limited attention better?”
Ask: “How can I multiply what my attention produces?”
That's a very different question.
The 80/20 Version of the 80/20 Review
If you don't remember everything else, remember these:
1. Stop spending serious attention on unserious things.
2. Don't seek a problem-free life. Choose better problems.
3. Happiness and progress involve solving worthwhile problems.
4. Use measurements that help you improve rather than merely protect your ego.
5. Take responsibility for handling what's in front of you.
6. Remain willing to discover you're wrong.
7. Treat failure as information.
8. Commitment requires saying no to things.
And then I'd add:
9. Don't merely ration your capacity. Increase it.
10. Use ability, organization, systems, technology, delegation, teams and relationships to multiply what your attention can accomplish.
If you remember only one thing from this entire review, make it this:
Give your best attention to things worthy of receiving it, then become better at multiplying what that attention can accomplish.
Perhaps the ultimate goal isn't learning how to give fewer fucks.
Perhaps it's becoming capable enough, organized enough and surrounded by enough good people that you can give far more attention to the things actually worth caring about.
And considerably less to everything else.
Barry Coziahr
Want an Advance Reader Copy of Seven Figure Networking?
I'll send you one free in exchange for reading it and leaving an honest review when the book is released.
Is Too Much of Your Business Still Dependent on You?
That's precisely the problem we built TeamBuilders to help solve.
Better delegation. Better people. More organizational capacity.
Until next time,
Barry Allen Coziahr
CEO, Stampede Branding
Founder, TeamBuilders
Publisher, Stampede Publishing
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